What does it mean to lose a father

It means spending endless hours thinking about the whys and what ifs.

It means spending your day trying to balance the wish to feel and act normal and failing. Every few hours.

It means learning that grief is not a tide of emotions that would sweep you off your feet and knock you out. Instead, it’s that constant dull ache in the pit of your stomach that you slowly start learning to live with.

It means squeezing your eyes shut and trying to remember all the little details, the conversations and his voice, his smile and getting hit by an overwhelming want to cry until there is nothing left to cry about, knowing you will never hear his voice again.

It means realizing how wrong you were to think you knew heartbreak.

It means feeling defenseless and small. And mortal.

It means learning to balance your life between numb and normal.

It means wanting to punch something every time some one says, “you’ll be fine.”

It means losing that one person who would always have time for you no matter how busy the world got.

It means losing someone who would trust you when you least deserve it. Love you selflessly and serve you unconditionally, without expecting anything in return, not even love.

It means learning that few voids are never filled.

It means feeling sad and angry. And then sad again.

It means losing that one person, that one man who would have never left your side willingly, who would have never hurt you, who would stand in your way to keep any harm from touching you.

It means losing that one smile that came out without fail, every time you were happy.

It means regrets. And wishing you had said ‘i love you’ to him more often.

It means trying to believe in afterlife. For the sake of holding on.

It means letting go when you didn’t want to, no matter how hard you tried to hold on.

Above all it means realizing how much you loved him and more over, just how much he loved you. And that the world would never be the same without him. Ever.

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The post with no Title

Hi everyone!

I have been meaning to write, but having to learn the art of multi-tasking yet, I haven’t really touched the ever-elusive line of being efficient.

Last couple of months have proven to be a little stressful, what with the constant travelling, work and other areas of my life that have been demanding my attention.

I want to start blogging regularly – there is this pair of shoes and some other cool stuff I have, that I have been dying to write about.

Well, I am also waiting for my camera and and meanwhile am trying to note down all the ideas that float in and out about the things I want to talk about. Would try to blog regularly once these little bumps smoothen out.

I’d like to give a quick shout out to all you wonderful people who happened to like my posts and follow my blog. (Honestly hadn’t expected to get noticed at all and though I know my blog isn’t exactly the latest sensation out there and there have been as many as just half a dozen who have dropped by to read my posts, you all made me smile and happy none-the-less!!  “Thank you – you are awesome!!”)

Frankly it’s intimidating to see all these fancy blogs with amazing content doing rounds on the net with their authors sounding so confident and put together, knowing what they are doing, but I have decided, I am here to stay!!

Trying to find my footing and see where life (and my blog) takes me – one step at a time. 🙂

xo,

M